Tips from a Mama raising a Daughter

Today as I’m walking into my 10th Mother’s Day, I’ve been reflecting on the things I love most about the kind of Mama I’m developing into. I know I can be quick to point out what I'm doing wrong or even downplay my strengths in motherhood but I wanted to help uplift other mama with these simple tips, ideas & wisdom I have seen bring beautiful fruit in my daughters life.

These things have come from fellow mama, books & the Holy Spirit guiding me specifically for Izzy. I hope you find an idea, two or all of them as fuel to keep fighting the good fight of raising our next generation of warriors.

My Favorite Mama Tips, Ideas & Wisdom for raising my daughter

1. Be the last to let go

My daughter loves hugs, snuggles & holding our hands. I heard a long time ago be the last to let go. Let them hold on as long as they need before they go back to tackling the world head on. There is also science behind our kids NEEDING physical touch on the daily. Touch helps bond people together. Neuroscientist Edmund Ross, found that physical touch activates the brain's orbitofrontal cortex, linked to feelings of reward and compassion. According to Keltner, "studies show that a simple touch can trigger release of oxytocin, aka 'thelove hormone.'" Our skin contains receptors that directly elicit emotional responses. Mama’s we are physically a safe place for our babies.

(To read more about this study go to https://www.khca.org/files/2015/10/8-Reasons-Why-We-Need-Human-Touch-More-Than-Ever.pdf)

2. Your child’s Love Language

So I actually had experience with Love Languages in my marriage so that helped segway into motherhood as a tool to use.

The five basic ones are: Words of affirmation, Quality time, Physical touch, Acts of service & Receiving gifts.

Once I learned Izzy’s top two love languages things really got enjoyable between us. I could start to see why we’d butt heads because I was loving out of my top languages & that was not how she felt loved and I was withholding from her. This was a game changer. I had to be willing to put my pride aside for the sake of her development & being wiling to say I was wrong & that I would have to go outside of my comfort zone for the sake of her. As she’s gotten older her top languages have began to change so I’ve had to evolve with her.

(To snag this amazing book go to https://www.5lovelanguages.com/store/the-5-love-languages-of-children)

3. Conversations

This was a new concept that the Holy Spirit brought to me. He let me know that she was gonna need more verbal discipline as a child. I started this from a really young age & it truly has developed an incredible relationship with us. We literally talk everything out. And I see her now using that skill in the real world. It’s helped her think beyond just herself. It has developed kindness in her & she is slow to acting out in anger towards us or others. She voices her frustrations, disappointment & happiness so incredible well. Her voice is already changing the world.

4. We’re a Team

Around five years old as Izzy was going into kindergarten I decided it was time to start training her in some ways of the world. I introduced “We’re a Team” as a value of our home. It was time to teach her the basics of how our home ran which has turned into her being a responsible student for her teachers & someday her bosses but ultimately for her leadership.

I began with a simple morning & evening chore chart (no prizes or allowance with it) it let her know we all just step up for the greater good of our home & take the best care of the blessings we’ve been given. We’re almost five years into this mindset with her & her outlook in life is about taking responsibility for her own stuff & being the first to help out because she’s part of a team with her friends & classmates.

5. Listening to her interest

This area was a whole new ball game for me compared to TJ. I wasn’t introduced to doing extracurricular activities to almost middle school. TJ grew up being able to do all sorts of sports & activities from a very young age. So we looked at what to get Izzy involved with & what age differently. We started it off with doing what we wanted her to be involved with first. I made sure she did swim lessons are age two because I felt swimming skills are life skills, then we moved her into T-Ball. We were successful in her learning to swim but she did not like it & she moved into Softball but hated the body shots she had to take to play it. Then we had the brilliant idea to just listen to her. We began giving her opportunities to the world with us standing right by her so she knew even if she failed we were there. Now she’s involved doing the things she has fallen in love with & wants to be committed to such as Soccer, Horses, Science, Writing & Art. God designed her more well rounded then TJ & I ever could have done.

6. Prayer before we leave each other

The most precious moment of my day is when we gather together before we all go our separate ways & pray over our time apart. Praying for Izzy to live her day in God’s strength, with leadership as a way of life & to enjoy being exactly who God created her to be. In training her up for being an adult I want her to have real life examples to go back to with talking with God daily in her life.

7. I’m actual raising up an adult

Every decision I make in how I raise Izzy is for a long term play. The end result of this is raising up an adult. How am I teaching her to speak to people? How am I teaching her to be healthy spiritually, mentally, emotionally & physically? How am I teaching her to view food? Her body?

Everything she’s learning about life is being caught by my mindsets, opinions & advice now not later. I’m very honest with her that I’m learning as I go also & I’m quick to apologize or correct myself and she gets to see my example of how to not be perfect in life but to be vulnerable & honest.

Well I better wrap this up so I can run off for a glass of wine & a great charcuterie board to celebrate the hard work it has taken this far to pour into my daughters life & look forward to what else I can’t wait to teach her.

With all the love & wisdom I have to give. Happy Mother’s Day!

Tif